Somewhere in the background a phone rings.
In walks a ginger man with his back to camera. He picks up said phone and turns to face the camera.
‘Hello, it’s Kevin De Bruyne here, how may I assist you?’.
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He’s got so bored of being good at football he’s turned to basketballGetty Images - Getty
De Bruyne has officially taken over from Arsenal’s Mesut Ozil as the Premier League’s assist king.
In truth he’s had the title since the start of the season but another three assists against Leicester, taking his tally to 14 for the season, confirmed it.
His first came after just three minutes.
Keep calm and let KDB pass to youAFP or licensors
De Bruyne received the ball from Bernardo Silva with Adrien Silva rushing to close him down.
Most players would have let the ball roll across their body and go backwards, but not KDB.
He whipped a delicious cross to the back post where Raheem Sterling was only to happy to pounce.
You know what happened next
Unstoppable
Sterling was also involved in the second goal following Jamie Vardy’s equaliser.
He played a one-two with De Bruyne, setting the Belgian free in the penalty box.
With unerring accuracy De Bruyne put the ball on a plate for Aguero who made it 2-1.
We’ve been here before
Too easy
The third assist was relatively straightforward for a man of De Bruyne’s ability.
Kasper Schmeichel’s poor clearance went straight to Fernandinho who in turn found KDB.
De Bruyne feinted to go out wide but played the ball inside to release Aguero.
Now you see him
Now you don’t
Aguero went on to complete his hat-trick meaning there were trebles for goals and assists in the same game.
If De Bruyne doesn’t end up getting his own TV show where he’s got to help people solve problems then there’s something seriously wrong with the world.
The most helpful man English football has ever seen.
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